she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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