He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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