So drunk, too bad you don't want this
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
