I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Fuck appropriateness.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize