would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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