O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
