3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
