we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
