saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i've created a new STD.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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