haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He better not be in your backpack
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
