Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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