I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
