There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
