I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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