He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
