I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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