your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
