I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
