You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
