ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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