i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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