I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want to make a zoo with you.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
