HIV tests are more positive than that guy
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this boner is exhausting
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
