I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
