so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
