I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
