if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
