there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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