just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
