I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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