We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
