I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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