Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
