Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
