I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I will pee on everything he values.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize