Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Panties = found
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