before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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