girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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