Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
