Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
