All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
