it was like his penis was on wheels.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
