oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
