sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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