A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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