The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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