That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
