she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
