i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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