On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
