turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
