my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
