We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
