Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
