every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
