Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
sex in a hospital.. check
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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