I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
