We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
