Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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