Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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