In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
