Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
