If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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