You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Two words: nipple clamps
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