doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize