all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize