cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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